Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Beautiful peonies from last year. Feel free to right click and save! xo

Today has been a perfect day for me. Easy getting out the door. Kids that helped me when I asked for help. The kids used their manners nicely today.

Hugs and love first thing in the morning. Artwork with Mommy and a rainbow on a page meant just for me. Kids jumping on a trampoline together. Fits of laughter and joy filling the yard, and my heart.

Sunshine. Bonus!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Totally a Tuesday...

I had a nice quiet morning this morning. The kind of morning that I always wish for. This morning it happened.

We walked up to drop off all four big kids at school (that part of the morning not so great...LOL) When we were home again, we popped in the move Enchanted and just watched it. Coco on my left, and Caroline on my right. Courtney slept, with her feet pressed into my armpits. Caroline, snuggled into my side.

I hardly get a quiet opportunity like this particular moment. It was nice. Until I had to wake up Courtney, and pause the show to go get Catie from school. Back to the normal day to day grind. I am always thankful for these little moments that I appreciate so very much.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

aching in my ovaries

I have to say, getting my period sucks. It is long, it is frustrating. I forgot what getting regular periods are like. Now I remember. And I wish I could have a break from it. Yuck.

I also have to say that with people getting pregnant, announcing new pregnancies. Birthing new babies. Waiting on babies (like my little sis Amy) my ovaries are aching a lot. Not physically I guess, but mentally I miss having a baby in the house. I cannot believe that we have an almost three year old (in November) and almost the end of diapers.

All of these lasts. I always go in and kiss all of the kids goodnight, and tuck them in before I make it into bed. I gently run my hand over my little Coco's silky hair. Run my hand along her growing body. I ache. I miss that new baby. That time when everything felt the best in my life. With a baby on my hip, or attached to me elsewhere. Babies. There is nothing like them in the world. Not easily replaced by running, photography. Dinners out. Wine. Nothing. I have felt this void lately. It pulls me, it tugs at my emotions.

I have to say I am surprised at how strong these feeling are. I know we are done, but this feeling of getting closer to 40. Me. Looking at my frown lines in between my eyebrows. Me watching my skin get more wrinkly. Watching my baby years pass by me too quickly. Watching the kids grow up all around me. My oldest who now stands up so tall that his head is almost at my mouth. I miss that baby stage. I recently got rid of all of my baby girls stuff. The boy stuff long gone. Gave away little swimmers to my other sis April. The sweet little white basinette waiting for Amy's new little one. I have bags and boxes of girls stuff. Just waiting on my sister to see what she is having! Today she is 40 weeks. She looks amazing, and I cannot wait to see if there is a sweet niece or sweet nephew in there. Only time will tell.

Wondering, how do I really feel. Am I OK with this? Am I going to be able to live knowing six kids are enough. Wondering just how hard another pregnancy would be on my body. How would my legs hold out. How would the kids feel?! How would we feel about this.

Yes, I am sure by now you all think I am crazy, but sometimes I wonder if we are crazy NOT to.

Here I am. Feeling these all to familiar feelings. Once again.

I guess it is just a case of the baby fever. Only time will tell. All I know is that my ovaries are aching. I feel a sense of emptiness. Of sadness. Of wondering.

Is our life complete? I have to take some time to think about this. Maybe one I get my 'baby fix' these feelings will leave me once again.

Friday, April 09, 2010


Whoa, where did March go? How did April get here so fast! Whirlwind of activity around our place lately. More on that next week.

I hardly have the time to think! Today, I told my Mom I was hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving. However, I meant Easter. Thanks for correcting me today Mom. And, thank you for giving us the bags of sliced oranges and apples for our drive home. That was a nice treat for us all. Those little things sure keep me going these days!

We had the whole family over for Easter dinner last weekend. Full turkey dinner, and a ham. And a birthday cake. And some lemon meringue pie. And wine. And coffee, and strong tea. Right April?!

We also sang happy birthday to my sister April, and my Mom. Their birthday's are two days apart. (April baked her own cake poor sis LOL--p.s. she said she would bring it or else I would have had one there!!) And, I got to see my sister Amy's beautiful belly. Her first baby! She is due April 13th and we are all patiently waiting! As are her and Tyler (and K!) So exciting!

It was was wonderful. All 15 of us squished around two tables in our dining room. That was a record for the most people to dinner in one place in our home. Lots of great memories that is for sure. I am looking forward to making new memories too!

Lately, I am falling asleep on the sofa. Waking up at 3 and crawling up to bed. My mega eye twitch is back with a vengeance. Dog tired. Only to listen to my husband snore in my ear. I am just thankful for all he does for us in our family. I know he is tired because he really works two jobs. His day job, and his responsibilities as a family man. I am truly blessed with an amazing husband! Thank you dear Cliff. Seriously, people always ask how I do it. His name is always at the top of that answer! I always say I couldn't do it without his love and support.

This morning was a morning of hell really. I had a very difficult morning getting the kids off to school. So, I let them go on their own. They did fine. I followed them just to make sure they made it. And, of course they did.

I made it up to the kids by picking up McDonald's for us for lunch. Mother of the year right here! LOL.

Happy Friday!

P.S. The items that have been placed around our home are still standing and are NOT being touched. We have turned a corner. Next milestone to meet, good bye diapers forever. Working on this one! Woot!