Thursday, October 08, 2009

38

Well, it happened. I turned 38 yesterday. I had a good day! I had my cousin Andrea over, and her sweet little man Evan over. She brought Starbucks for us. I made a sandwich for us all. She also brought me some gorgeous fall flowers. I am thankful her and my relationship. Although we are cousins, I feel that she is my older sister by 11 months. I just love her, and all that we can talk about. Sharing our true feelings and bouncing stuff off of one another. Truly a relationship that I love and cherish. My kids had a card for me, Cliff brought me flowers and a card.

I was actually able to get out for dinner with my Dad, Mom, Granny, The M family and Amy and Tyler. And, I took Cameron. Who totally deserved a night away. He has been working very hard at school this year, and I am so proud of him. So, he got to come along. Before we left, I blew out my 13 candles on my cake (thankfully not 38!) and then I served the cake to my kids. Had a lovely dinner, and of course cake for the 'triplets' which if you don't know are my Dad, myself and my Sister. We share the very same day. I love it!

After dinner, and some goodbyes. We headed to Best Buy to pick an iPhone up for me. So, thank you Cliff for my birthday gift! I just love it and now trying hard to learn it all! So far so good! I picked white, to match my MacBook. Yay!

So with turning 38, I am trying to get used to it. I find it takes a while to grow into that number. Especially now that the big 40 is only two years away for me now.

This morning I felt exhausted, my hips have been aching. I am tired, as per usual I fell asleep on the couch exhausted. When I woke up off the couch, our littlest one was already in our bed. Asleep. So, I had an extra bed mate as well. She is adorable to cuddle, and now that she has the next birthday in our house (2) in November I take it where I can get it. I just love that little girl so much. She is my baby after all.

I will not lie, at times I think we have made a mistake by not having more kids. People can poo poo that statement all they want, but it is my blog :D

But, I am happy with my family. Just extra sad realizing that that 'baby' stage is leaving my house. And I am growing older. But, hey! Two more babies entering the family in December and April! So, hopefully holding that wee baby will give me peace. Or make me feel like I need to have more.

Today, I am dreading a meeting with a teacher. One of my older daughters has been stealing...so....I feel like I am in trouble. And my children are a reflection of Cliff and I so, of course that hurts. And, I wish that I didn't have to go. But hey, this is what motherhood is all about! So...

Also, I have been sad over friendships lately. What I thought to be friendships, seemingly over. Very sad. I read a lovely quote and this is what it said:

"friends are like stars, they come and they go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow"


So, for weeks I have this bad sense of uncomfortable-ness. This un-easiness that follows me around. In person, online and in other friendships that inter-twine. And truthfully this is hurting me quite deeply. But, I guess I move on from here. And stick with the friends "that glow!"

I will continue to be me, and just be the best me I can be. And, if that is not good enough then I guess they were not really my true friends now were they? So, in chatting with others who have been in this situation I know what I have to do. Where I have to go. It sucks, but this is life.

I don't want this part of life to feel like I am in a catty high school drama! Time to move on! Time to connect with true friends. So, I guess I have to press the delete button. So hard to do! I have spent too much emotional energy on this. I need to focus that energy elsewhere!

So, today I let them go.

Thank you to my dear friends who remain, and stand by me and love me. I am so thankful for you all.

This weekend we celebrate our Thanksgiving with all of our family. The WHOLE family! It is going to be a bit hectic, and very loud. But this is what life is made of! Memories! Thank you Granny for having us ALL over to your place.

I am thankful for so much in my life. Thank you all for listening to me today.

Cathy xo






7 comments:

Shawna said...

Cathy!

Happy Happy Birthday! Sorry I didn't tell you that yesterday, I was in bed sick.

Anyway, this is quite the post...full of real life and real heart aches. I hope things level out with the stealing...I was a stealer when I was little, oy vey - I remember it all too well. And let me tell you it was NO reflection on how my parents were choosing to raise me, so please don't wear that, you two are FABULOUS parents to those very blessed kids!

Sorry that you feel some lacking in your personal relationships, these are seasons, that we all go through and come out of. I too have felt like I've been trudging through the dessert of friendships lately. But like you said life is too busy to play around. Find the friends that are gems and hold on to them!

Love to you today, your first full day of being a delightful 38 year old! xo, *S

LauraC said...

Cathy I think you are quite possibly one of the most fantastic 38 year olds ever and I only hope I am this cool/amazing/awesome when I am 38. Which is less than 3 years so I better get cracking.

(I also love my iphone)
(and hey did you know there is a whole website dedicated to iphone photography, you can use it as your little snap and shoot to take pics of your family)

Andrea said...

Glad you had a wonderful birthday! And you look too good to be 38.
I see why you may feel at times like you are not done...I have hard time now thinking I will have to be done at some point lol.
Love the quote on friends...its true. I have very few close friends. all the rest seem to come and go. sometimes its not worth the effort. I realized that during the time my dad was diagnosed with cancer...my true friends made the effort to lend support.
anyways, take care :D
I admire you.

Sarah said...

I think I will sing this song to you:

You're 38 years old, never kissed a girl.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbIZ1IuqCzU

Or have you??? LOL!!!
Happy Birthday my friend!

Ingrid said...

Congrats with the birthday and wishing you many more!!!

Irma said...

Oh Cathy! ((((HUGS))) It is hard to imagine not having a baby in the house, I don't think that is weird at all! I do sometimes though when I'm feeling overwhelmed feel relieved that the end is in sight of little ones always vying and needing you while trying to balance everything else....you know what I mean?

Also a belated Happy Birthday! (-:


...and I still do read about you, even though I'm a lousy commenter!

Yvonne said...

I agree on the "poo poo" on them!! I TOTALLY know that feeling ... Shaun will be 2 in March; like AHHHHH where did that come from!! You are allowed to feel sad about it but ... carry on!!

I ditto Irma's commenter thing ... I'm lucky to blog let alone comment on others plus "Google Reader" doesn't help on the commenting thing!!

Hold on to Cliff, your sisters, your cousin, and those "best of friends" you know believe in you!!! They'll hold you up in "these" times!!

Belated Birthday Greetings and I am SOOOO jealous of your Californian trip ... I may have been away a few times this year but ohhh I could go again :o)