38

Well, it happened. I turned 38 yesterday. I had a good day! I had my cousin Andrea over, and her sweet little man Evan over. She brought Starbucks for us. I made a sandwich for us all. She also brought me some gorgeous fall flowers. I am thankful her and my relationship. Although we are cousins, I feel that she is my older sister by 11 months. I just love her, and all that we can talk about. Sharing our true feelings and bouncing stuff off of one another. Truly a relationship that I love and cherish. My kids had a card for me, Cliff brought me flowers and a card.

I was actually able to get out for dinner with my Dad, Mom, Granny, The M family and Amy and Tyler. And, I took Cameron. Who totally deserved a night away. He has been working very hard at school this year, and I am so proud of him. So, he got to come along. Before we left, I blew out my 13 candles on my cake (thankfully not 38!) and then I served the cake to my kids. Had a lovely dinner, and of course cake for the 'triplets' which if you don't know are my Dad, myself and my Sister. We share the very same day. I love it!

After dinner, and some goodbyes. We headed to Best Buy to pick an iPhone up for me. So, thank you Cliff for my birthday gift! I just love it and now trying hard to learn it all! So far so good! I picked white, to match my MacBook. Yay!

So with turning 38, I am trying to get used to it. I find it takes a while to grow into that number. Especially now that the big 40 is only two years away for me now.

This morning I felt exhausted, my hips have been aching. I am tired, as per usual I fell asleep on the couch exhausted. When I woke up off the couch, our littlest one was already in our bed. Asleep. So, I had an extra bed mate as well. She is adorable to cuddle, and now that she has the next birthday in our house (2) in November I take it where I can get it. I just love that little girl so much. She is my baby after all.

I will not lie, at times I think we have made a mistake by not having more kids. People can poo poo that statement all they want, but it is my blog :D

But, I am happy with my family. Just extra sad realizing that that 'baby' stage is leaving my house. And I am growing older. But, hey! Two more babies entering the family in December and April! So, hopefully holding that wee baby will give me peace. Or make me feel like I need to have more.

Today, I am dreading a meeting with a teacher. One of my older daughters has been stealing...so....I feel like I am in trouble. And my children are a reflection of Cliff and I so, of course that hurts. And, I wish that I didn't have to go. But hey, this is what motherhood is all about! So...

Also, I have been sad over friendships lately. What I thought to be friendships, seemingly over. Very sad. I read a lovely quote and this is what it said:

"friends are like stars, they come and they go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow"

So, for weeks I have this bad sense of uncomfortable-ness. This un-easiness that follows me around. In person, online and in other friendships that inter-twine. And truthfully this is hurting me quite deeply. But, I guess I move on from here. And stick with the friends "that glow!"

I will continue to be me, and just be the best me I can be. And, if that is not good enough then I guess they were not really my true friends now were they? So, in chatting with others who have been in this situation I know what I have to do. Where I have to go. It sucks, but this is life.

I don't want this part of life to feel like I am in a catty high school drama! Time to move on! Time to connect with true friends. So, I guess I have to press the delete button. So hard to do! I have spent too much emotional energy on this. I need to focus that energy elsewhere!

So, today I let them go.

Thank you to my dear friends who remain, and stand by me and love me. I am so thankful for you all.

This weekend we celebrate our Thanksgiving with all of our family. The WHOLE family! It is going to be a bit hectic, and very loud. But this is what life is made of! Memories! Thank you Granny for having us ALL over to your place.

I am thankful for so much in my life. Thank you all for listening to me today.

Cathy xo