Thursday, September 25, 2008

little bitty baby things

Well, today was a day for getting organized and part of that meant packing up some baby stuff. I truly do not look forward to that time when your 'baby' who would be almost 1 year old in a couple of months or less has outgrown the need for baby items. I know in the past it has been OK, because I knew there would be a good chance that 'somebody' aka a new baby in the family would be possibly using them. But, our family is complete. There are no babies being born to our family, or anybody else in our family (well for now anyways.)

So, I packed up the pack n' play, the baby carrier, the infant toys, the car seat zipper cover. Many of the warm blankets, and receiving blankets. And, of course the little itty bitty beautiful sun dresses etc. They are all packed away. For what?! I am not sure...but it truly was difficult day for me. I was practically welling up with tears packing them away. Each little item, I would snuggle to my chest...and sigh. Some sighs were more sad, and yet a part of me was OK with this all. Weirded that  I am not pregnant right now, and I will never be pregnant again sigh. Not normal for me at this time when usually I would already be pregnant again.

It is weird thing after being pregnant so many times, to just be like...OK all done. I am all done. I am all good with this all not being pregnant anymore. You would think after six, it would be deal sealed. But I have to say I still have twangs and pangs when my friends and family give birth. I am totally happy for them ALL...but I feel like I am missing out. 

Really, I am OK with it all because my Courtney still needs me. My other kids need me. It is all OK. But, like I say  I thought by NOW I would be all over this, and yet not.  Hmmmm.

Well, the day is almost done. I am thinking I will head to bed and hope that my babies (that would be all six of them) decide to stay down for the count. You see, my baby Courtney loves spending time with her Mamma. Yes, lots of time. So, I just relish in that, and enjoy these moments which I know are fleeting. She can stay my baby for as long as she wants. I am totally OK with that. I have to say, she has me wrapped around my fingers. Well, all over me. I know she is my last, and finally I can 'baby' somebody for longer than the time if I were to be pregnant again. Those babes had to grow up more quickly than I would have liked. 

I have to say, that life is good in that respect. I am feeling rather joy-filled knowing that I have been blessed to have this mothering experience over six times in one life-time. SWEET I say SWEET. My job has not been completed either, the babies grow, but I know I am still needed for a long, long time :D

I love you my precious little children. Oh how I love you all to the depth of my soul. To the very centre of my body, to the ends of my fingertips, the the highest I can reach, to the bottoms of my feet. I love you all to the moon and back. I cannot express how deeply I love you all.

I am so thankful for this beautiful life I have been given! This beautiful opportunity! 


Irma said...

I can so relate. I struggle with a lot of the same feelings....just ask Yvonne! (-:

...and yes don't we love our children so much that it almost hurts?! Right now I'm missing Curtis, Katie and Hillarie like CRAZY....I'm finally picking up Curtis and Katie today...I almost feel like leaving now....but since it's still not even 8:00 that might be a tad early....ya think?! (-:

Take care of yourself Cathy and enjoy each moment to the fullest!

Have a great day!

Yvonne said...

I know it Cathy! I packed up and boxed all my baby girl clothes for a friend ... talk about hard! I did it and I too relish in the little things with Shaun(and the others) ... Honestly my dear I don't think the "hard feelings" will ever go away!

But our jobs continue ...