It is hard to be in limbo I have decided. It is like time is going by so quickly. But some days linger on forever and I just wish that the day would end so I can get some peace. I am finding it hard not to be able to make plans. I am finding it hard to just have a normal day, because the days are not normal anymore.
We are all very 'keyed up' all of the time. Wondering daily when life might change (for the worse) around here. It certainly isn't easy to live like that. Cliff and I want to make plans, but then say nope. We cannot make plans right now. We just take it day by day. I am a plan maker, and I find that difficult to work around these days.
Finally, Courtney is getting to be a bit more 'easy' in terms of well just the fact that she is not so newborn anymore. She can lay on the floor and have good times with the big siblings entertaining her and making her laugh and smile. We thought well, we can get on with our lives. Make some good memories. And right now, none of that is happening. We feel like it is groundhog day around here again. Just when we thought we would move on from babyhood. Life strikes us, and we are stagnant. That is how it feels. Life has stood still, but not is a good sort of way. It is like this broken finger. I just want this all to be over. But when it is all over it will be 100 times worse.
Yesterday we were talking about going away, and just running away from here. Like moving to California or Hawaii. And just having a great beach lifestyle. My MIL said I will need a good bathingsuit! I said I am not ready for a bathing suit LOL. Soon though. We are all really tired of the cold, wet rain. It is so chilling. We need the good spring weather. I think that will help somewhat. But we are waiting for that too. We are just sitting here, left to wonder and think too much. I am tired of thinking. I think all of the adults in this house are.
We cannot not stop living our life, but it is hard to just live this day to day without making some sort of fun plan. It is really crummy really. And when things change around here, will we even feel like making plans? I just can't stop going 'there.'
Ahhhh...it will get better. It just has too. Thankfully the garden has started to grow and there is some colour in there. I am thankful for that today. That there is a bit of colour to add to this dull life right now.